“For I prefer red wine on my lips and smudged kohl eyes”.

I was so excited after I booked the tickets and packed my backpack to visit the much awaited music city – the Nashville!! one more to check off my bucket list… and I slept with so much to look forward to the next day I open my eyes…. To my surprise, I opened my eyes to see the feathery flaky snow fall… there is something utterly romantic about it. The entire snow clad town looked like a poignant version of a love song…. with each ticking of the clock, I was having butterflies in my stomach… and at 3.00 am, it was time to leave! Should I call it an early morning or a late night?? well, it hardly mattered.

Eagerly waiting for the bus and taking good advantage of the delay, I relished the moment with hot pan cakes. In no time, I was all set for the trip, while my eyes were filled with enthusiasm and drowsiness both… and I took a nap while the driver announced we were ready to go.

I had a burst of feelings when I was suddenly startled by a phone call, it took me  a while to orient myself. The bus was running late, and the reason was heavy snow. I think for the first time in my life I bemoaned this delay, even though I once again opened my eyes to see the same feathery flaky snow… But I tried to keep my spirits high as I had yet to reach my destination. And the driver announced yet again, ” we have reached Nashville, sincere apology for the delay”. But did this delay affect my elation?? Certainly not. As the wise women say, “On any bad day, there is still a hot beverage and a kohl in the purse”. And indeed that wise woman was me 🙂

Soooo… Nashville is nicknamed as the music city, and undoubtedly this city has a magical mystical musical character. As I planned my itinerary, my first destination was the Hall of Fame, where lives the soul, the spirit and the history of Country Music, with its people and its songs. They say that happy people listen to the music, while sad people listen to the lyrics, but I rejoiced when I listened to the magical voice of Elvis Presley…”Wise men say only fools rush in…But I can’t help falling in love with you” And I could not help but hum “Like a river flows surely to the sea, Darling so it goes….Some things are meant to be”. It went like this in every aisle of every floor, and ended with me recording my own tune in my very own voice, I loved when I listened to myself in that husky voice due to cold. In my dreamland, I already signed autographs 🙂

After having spent three hours in the museum, I realized there is more! I stepped out and started walking on the the broadway street in freezing cold weather. That was when I was deeply missing a hand to hold, a hand for a little “TLC” with gentle warm rub… That was the same snow clad city arousing the poignance in me!! Suddenly the whole downtown and all the streets looked like a stage, where I was playing the role of a melancholy lonely romantic lady!! Beautiful enough to palpate the glimpses, powerful enough to let go…. ecstatic enough to experience the exuberance, tranquil enough to shun the crowd… 

As I was taking a stroll, I found my way to the back of a bar… more than the background noise, its name caused me to stop. The Tootsies Lounge, and I was amazed and laughed about it… But watching live country music was like a dream come true, sat on a chair with a regular wine, watched everybody smiling, laughing, dancing, celebrating marriage, love, break ups, dedicating songs… random conversations, high five, cowboy hats…. felt like a carnival… Left the bar, picked the names honky tonk, paradise, legends…. with the dampening sound of violin, fingers on the guitar string, and a peculiar smell of smoke admixed with the mist…. 15936688_10210437360162451_6155721685139540046_o

There was some more time to bid adieu to this mystical evening, so I spent the rest of my time on a cozy, less crowded bar, poured some wine on my glass and tried to adsorb everything, sitting quietly on a chair…. every woman deserves a man who smudges her red lipstick not her mascara…. well I have my own version  “For I prefer red wine on my lips and smudged kohl eyes”.

 

 

 

who would have thought this corner will become home!!

“…….. who would have thought that in my process of house hunting, this home will find me……who would have thought this corner in Baltimore will become home…..”

Its been almost two months here in Baltimore…. well I can say time just flies!! and time has been rough for the last couple of months. I had my ups and downs….yin and yang… but it was routine…. just like any “girl” in Delhi who is also a doctor…one of the most highly educated among the family and friends (sarcasm), still one of the skilled laborers who flaunt their dark circles and puffy eyes (grin)…..who has a past and a future to ponder about… while trying to put on her best foot forward. Yes that was a vivid image of me just a couple of months back. To add more to the drama, I got acceptance from the best (yes we hear a lot about this) school of public health …. and it was time to shed the cocoon and spread the wings!!

And here I am, sipping a cup of hot tea… my masala chai (which is quite popular) and figuring out what to do ….more about the coming week (which is damn scary) rather than the usual future and universe and what not. It feels like home… who would have thought that in my process of house hunting, this home will find me.

14037637_10209111632740094_548045171_o

But this transition is something I am gonna vouch for the rest of my life. In the most succinct way, I can express this transition as my personal version of “the pursuit of happiness”. Not only I traversed oceans and continents…I traversed through time and emotions. From a princess in her comfort zone to a survivor….from one shelter to another…. from great food to no food… and from missing family to making a new one here. I have valiantly done it all.

The words of one of the Uber drivers still resonate in my ears ( yes, i have had many interesting conversations while taking uber rides or on subway…. what can I say, world is full of amazing people)… He said he had a feeling that I have a meaning to my name. That fifteen minute ride was an essence of it all. He propounded that every piece is important, every piece has its role…. piece by piece we traverse the ultimate ride that is life!!

Today, I don’t know where I will be in the next couple of months… But I am joining my pieces…. Right now I am contemplating about how a pounding headache motivated me to have tea on my patio, and put my thoughts into words!!

14012598_10209111667900973_1684881427_o

Now, I am quite motivated to get some reading for the summer term climax…..To my surprise, its just the one-fifth of all.

14012434_10209111669581015_1178153583_o

A walk to remember…. at the BROOKLYN BRIDGE :)

5907886a-b114-486b-8b58-21dbc1943cca_jpeg[1]

There was something about the air , some mystique of this beautiful creation that cast a spell on me some 15-16 years ago;and today I am here, its not a dream anymore! To my surprise , I forgot how few minutes back I was cribbing about my long flight,lack of sleep , crowded subway ,aching heels and what not (sincere apologies to my new friend from NY).
For some time ,time was merely a coordinate.combined with place and people as other coordinates , I was in a strange space where i was wholly taken up with the reminiscence of past memories.I virtually saw flashes popping in and out.Like those “thought bubbles” in animation movies 🙂 .A faint image of a little girl reading a novel ,intrigued by the description of this magnificent bridge…that very moment was an inception of this dream “one day I will also walk on the brooklyn bridge , sipping a cup of hot coffee” and I was startled by a fast paced biker and one bubble bursted leading to another…movie scene where a pretty woman sobbing on the bridge after losing the love of her life….
“what happened girl , where did you get all this energy from” ,asked my friend, amazed to notice my new found energy.And i said , “Thankyou ,I always dreamed about being here , always imagined this !!” .

After walking few 100s of meters out of 1.8km… I was captivated by the love locks (which sweethearts lock at the bridge with the initials of their names and date inscribed on it…and throw the keys on the river…to symbolize the everlasting love)…
WP_20151004_01020151123151645[1]
I have also done that in my tender years and it felt utterly romantic… but today,I found a key out of those lost keys of my love locks and I unlocked myself.I was on a high , like when you feel after few shots of alcohol.This moment was my personal brand of liquor!! If I had wings , I was unrestrained to fly. Many people will consider it a preposterous reason to scribble on paper or tap on keyboard….but , I was at the brooklyn bridge and it was huge.
We walked all the way through the bridge and after a hot cup of coffee , we took the same route back.I was admiring the scenic view of Statue of LIBERTY…( i looked at her closely before coming here,and it was amazing…) , the sailing ships, tall skyline , lit up buildings , people of different ethnicity all in one place… time was just flowing and i was chitchatting with my friend late at night with no time constraints…The whole city was succumed to its lavishness!!
The Godzilla got stuck here , the dark knight rises, our own spidey… me n my brother have watched these movies and also saw this bridge getting destroyed many times, but i kept rebuilding this bridge in my dreams.With each step I felt liberated and happier ; with each breath the air became more mystical ;and with each flashing memory ,I was surfeited with an abundance of emotions… Today was that “one day I will also walk on the brooklyn bridge” day.

And we reached our subway station to go back and retire on bed.It was indeed A Walk To Remember . Today , before falling asleep I can say , dreams can come true in a different time zone , a different continent… and I will be all set to go to my dream world 🙂

PEACE is just a misnomer , lost in the wilderness of fight for one’s own PIECE !!

I remember the days when I was a child and loved watching Disney cartoons , sci fi action , music channels …. And everyone at home used to fight for tv remote!! Dad  always watched news channel and I hated those politics news and all about terrorism. Over the years I did not change much , except , yes some signs of ageing which is inevitable but I proudly say , I am ageing gracefully . But one thing still makes the child in me cower. The world I live in , is not peaceful. Arrogance exceeded only by abysmal ignorance. There is no super hero to rescue the innocent….while the super villians still exist disguised as routine common people…. People fight in the name of religion , caste , region ,gender , color , socio economic status , orientation….. These are the real supervillians ….and the world mourns for a super hero !!

PEACE is just a misnomer , lost in the wilderness of fight for one’s own PIECE !!

my Mind is jolted by the acerbity , profoundly prevalent in the world. The masses are in a war… There is beef ban , pork ban , and ban on women wearing short skirts and showing skin so openly. Which religion is better and against evil , is more important than what values we are bestowing on our children. one part of the world is supporting multi color display pic on social networking sites , while another part of world is still dying of a virus… and talking about virus , why only blame HIV, Ebola , H1N1 and so on ? The world is infected , and there is a massive PANDEMIC. We are sitting on a silent dormant volcano…..constantly adding the magma through our heated non sense beliefs.

its time we decide , do we need a world where we live in some trepidation ; Or we take a stand and stop waiting for a super hero with his cape on !!

piece of myself

Like a butterfly gets its wings
thru a caterpillar and it flies.
Like a phoenix emerges strong
and reborn after 1000times it dies.

From the ashes i found a life ,
shed tears curved to form a smile.
I stepped out of my shell once
and i refuse to go back for a while.

I don’t know where my home is ,
I don’t know where my soul is.
But I know now that I am in love,
From the broken pieces i found a piece of myself !!12191114_10206980777030033_8449601257770873023_o

you are the one for me….you are all i have

Sometimes your entire world narrows down to one person….who is always there for you….no matter what !!

An unkempt woman on a wheel chair with torn clothes and drooling saliva …. scared of people around, agitated in the midst of crowd… I saw her in my emergency duty room. When i asked who is she with? She, like any kid who is scared of a doctor, turned away to avoid eye contact. She caught a glimpse of another unkempt man, struggling to disperse the crowd to reach her….. and there was a momentary sigh of relief followed by an embrace. Two siblings with no parents, no monetary support, no basic intellect…..and a whole cruel world ….. somehow had their whole world narrowed down to each other. “I cant leave her alone even for a second” said the brother, sobbing and cleaning the saliva on her sister’s face. It was not hard to read his face and predict that we was full of loathe and fear, with a desperate need to be listened to. I sensed that utter need and could not help but ask…. “Are you going to sit down and relax and tell me what’s the matter?” And naturally he had a lot to talk about….. but not even for a second he let go of his sister’s hands; and his sister, even though she was unaware of the real world around, probably did not even know that this man is her brother…..still knew that he is the only one for her. She was ill, in a disheveled state, needed life long meds to be fine…. “fine” as in having less frequent episodes of an illness getting out of control. Ironically, being “fine” is not the same for everyone. Even in this condition, she is a woman…. a female body to be taken control of…. less able to resist the weakness of a physically stronger man. And this one man is there to protect and look after her, howsoever possible.

My job usually requires restriction of emotions, but I could not help but wonder… Real soulmates don’t come in the form of your lovers or spouse…. a life partner is the one without who your life parts into two pieces. soulmates are these two pieces joined together….. “the better half”

Somehow, meeting new people everyday from all the segments of society with different cultural background, different socio economic status, yet a similar weakness, similar fear of losing someone you love, similar need to be taken care of….. helps me broaden the way i perceive things…. helps me to sense a situation in a different way !!

An old man, with gray bushy moustache and fallen hair, wrinkles of age old experiences, drooping shoulders that once supported his family, walked slowly towards me, all alone but a cane to support if stumbles of his old bones. Why people are scared of getting old is obvious…. its a shame to see that children often forget that their parents are growing old while they are chasing an earthly race. But when i asked if someone is with him, to my surprise he said yes, and he called him….. for a moment i could not see anybody….. well….that’s because his escort was only 3 feet and a few inches tall, a little kid, his grandson.I could not hide my smile and asked “are you with this old man” ? Excited and happy that his name was called, he said  “yes, I am with him and I brought him here as he is old and can not see”. Who says you need to be big and strong to look after someone….. all you need is to realize that “you” are the only need of someone, “you” are all someone has….

All the things that money can not buy are often the most neglected things…. we keep earning money to spend on things we either don’t need or things that don’t matter to us after some time…… and then at some point of time ,all we need is the one we badly neglected…. and its always a great feeling to have him/her back ….. leaving everything behind,  and say “you are the one for me….you are all i have” !!

images

Hold hands before it’s too late!!

MIRAGE

All I see are people running

running with no pause.

I run with them to see wts going

its nothing but chaos.

With the world expanding

what expands is that void…

the one inside every human

in this world of Android.

Life , like a giant wheel

from a distance seems exciting.

All it takes is just one ride to know

coming down is so nauseating.

MIRAGE…nature’s way of mocking

those worn out souls in desert so endless.

All that’s shiny is not all shining

the closer you get, the closer is the dismal emptiness.

Its an ILLUSION…of a world so lunatic

I choose….not to immerse in it.

I choose a world where

being happy and being wealthy are not the same….

where people are still running,

running away from being insane!